Monday, January 27, 2014

The Hot Mess Championships- Toya's Rundown of The 2014 Grammy Awards



I am STILL drained from last night's show. How can something put you to sleep and make you need more sleep at the exact same time?   However, there were a few really good performances and other things of note. So without further adieu, here is my annual wrap up the Grammys. Sorry there aren't more pictures but I am in a rush this morning. 
  1. Because of how I feel about the state of the music industry right now, I have very little expectations for tonight’s show besides Justin Timberlake’s “Pusher Love Girl” getting a Grammy. It got one. I'm happy. Let's go. 
  2. Beyonce’ and Jay Z’s opening performance: I’m about to show my age right now.  There used to be a time when artists performed on the Grammys that they wanted to do their classiest performances; they displayed more of their artistic side if you will.  I could understand this performance being on the AMAs, VMAs, or BET Awards but to open up the GRAMMYS with a chair strip tease performed to a song that has to be censored just doesn’t seem apropos to me.  We couldn’t have gotten a crowd rousing performance of “XO”?  I'm not into this at all.
  3. I love Pastor LL Cool J and his speeches! I always want him to end it with “I’m LL Cool J and that’s one to grow on.”
  4. Macklemore and Ryan Lewis won again and some people are mad. I have never heard their record and again I have zero expectations when it comes to who the industry votes for. I’m pretty indifferent about this.
  5. Lorde is about to do “Royals” and give y’all a word for the nations if you would just receive it.  Can she please deliver this word at the VMAs and the Source Awards?  Yes she is awkward but I dig this three-piece set she’s got going on. No not the career separates she is wearing. The band.
  6. Hunter Hayes…meant…well?  Maybe…could not…hear?  Maybe….doesn’t sing live…well?  Good message though.
  7. “Stay” by Rihanna and Nashville’sown Mikky Ekko is up for an award and listen: If Mikky Ekko wins, I will jump up and do a praise run down the street in the bitter cold.
  8. Awww they didn’t win.  Oh well. I’m just glad they got nominated.
  9. Katy Perry’s performance: I like plenty of Katy Perry’s songs but have been pretty underwhelmed with her last three award show performances.  Are those pole dancing witches? Katy! It’s not even close to Halloween! This is silly.  I’m going to go load the dishwasher and this isn’t even my house. I’m also going to see if I can dust, put some blinds up, something.  I not into this performance at all.
  10. Robin Thicke has been getting "The Miss Celie from The Color Purple -2 fingers crooked 'Until your music starts doing right by me again, everything you think about’s gon’ fail!'-curse" from me since early last year .  So I really don’t know what to expect with this Robin Thicke and Chicago matchup because lately he has….waaaaaaaait a minute. Did they just go into “Does Anybody Know What Time ItIs”???? *Carlton Banks dance* This is my JAM!!!!! “I was walking down the street one day…” Get into this!
  11. Okay I really like this. I forgot Robin Thicke can really sing and Chicago’s horn section is giving me life. Can we go on and take this to Vegas already?
  12. Aaaaaaaaand now of course we go into “Blurred Lines”, the one one song that will most likely keep me from ever seeing Robin Thicke live.  I just can't anymore.
  13. Keith Urban and Gary Clark Jr. shred!!!!!! This is a really good performance and my favorite one so far. Who would’ve thought that?
  14. These jokes about Pharrell’s hat? Y’all. I can’t. From “Only Pharrell can prevent forest fires” to “Pharrell is wearing a hat that stores all his money”,  I am cracking up!
  15. Aaaw Dave Grohl! I remember when Kurt Cobain died & I said "What's going to happen to the drummer?! He's my favorite!!!" I love me some Dave Grohl.
  16.  Y’all clown Taylor Swift playing her heart out on this piano but two things:  1) some of y’all are going to be drinking brown liquor to some of these heartbreak songs one day and 2) regarding the hair flipping, y’all know growing your bangs out is a real struggle! Y'all know this! I’m not going to go into another one of my defending Taylor Swift rants so let’s just move on.
  17. Oooh P!nk’s next and she and the lead singer of fun. are about to perform together. Are they going to do a flying trapeze act?
  18.  P!nk is once again hanging from the ceiling giving us Cirque De Soleil realness. If this woman is singing live through all of this (and it sounds like it) and y'all still wanna talk to me about how hard it is to sing live while bundled up in the cold? Just…you know what? Not today. 
  19. Daggonit P!nk! I really don’t like“Give Me the Reason” and I feel like I just got duped with her performance of “Try” to sit through this.
  20. Regarding the lead singer of fun. sounding like Pitchy McPitcherson tonight – Sir, did you really just hit a note sideways like that and then throw the mic to yourself? You know what? Encourage yourself in this moment. We should all have such confidence.
  21. Lorde won for “Royals”!!! Am I the only one that wants her to get on stage and Fiona Apple us right now? Okay maybe that’s not a good idea. She’s only 17. She has a lifetime to offend people.
  22. I understand that Ringo Starr is musical royalty and all but can we just have a come to Jesus moment about his solo performance right now? Y’all. They need to be doing this at someone's backyard picnic, bonfire, Gaither Homecoming, something. I cannot! Ringo was the DRUMMER of The Beatles and unlike Dave Grohl, Jeffrey Osborne, and Phil Collins, this just isn’t quite his…I mean….I’m gonna go get more pizza.
  23. Look at Jay Z being all tender during his acceptance speech! As Tia pointed out, I don’t think he meant that he was going to thank God a little bit. I think he meant more than for the award he was thankful for his wife and that’s sweet.
  24. I feel like this Imagine Dragons and Kendrick Lamar collaboration is going to slay.
  25. Oh I AM HERE FOR THIS!!!!!!! *Headbanging*  *Throwing bows* Joe Carroll, I think this is where we turn up.  Okay seriously, let’s take this thing on the road. If Linkin Park and Jay Z can do it then why on earth not? Best performance of the night. Hands down. Don’t even worry about.
  26. So Paul McCartney and Ringo are performing now. Sooo why did they let Ringo…you know, never mind. Umm...fun fact: Sir Paul is playing the same piano from the Magical Mystery Tour.
  27. Bruno Mars won Best Pop Vocal Album!!!! 
  28. There’s so much of this show left! 


  29. FINALLY the Stevie Wonder, Nile Rodgers, Pharrell, and Daft Punk performance! I love that everyone in this room respects Stevie Wonder so much that no one will even acknowledge the bewilderment on my face about what’s happening to the second verse of this song. Aaaw there it is. Stevie’s going into it again. This is so fun!
  30. Wait…I feel like I am hearing the beginning of “Another Star”. Is that “Another Star”? Are they about to… 

    fosdkfnknjonfjnkjdf vngjkenrgjan rgvjka; jdkf fkdmfokasmaksfmvajnrjgnfjkra nvkja vkanvka kjnre vjankv  

    *Comes up for air* Just end it! Just end the Grammys now!!!! That’s a wrap!!!  Seriously why is there more of this show after this?!
  31. I want to move to New York City,live next door to Cyndi Lauper and have her be my auntie. That is all.
  32. I am seriously so happy for Sarah Bareilles and Pharrell right now getting to play along legends that I don’t doubt they dreamed about as kids. I love seeing this happen for them. I really like this about the Grammys.
  33. *Waves shyly* Heeeey....heeey Jared Leto. Heeeeey....
  34. Okay I got distracted by Jared Leto and also I think I dozed off. Why is Metallica on the GRAMMYsdoing "One"? I'm not against it but are we commemorating something?  If I remember correctly, this song is long and I don't know if I can take this show much longer. 
  35. Oh this a new artists/legendary artist collaboration! Sorry y'all. I'm fighting sleep at this point.
  36. And then it happened: Steven Tyler and Smokey Robinson get up to present an award and completely going off script, Steven Tyler goes into “You Really Got a Hold On Me” in tribute to Smokey.  Recognize a G, Steven Tyler! Yaaaassssss!!!!! This was so awkwardly sweet! This has got to be my favorite moment of the night. That’s not hard to be right now but it was great.
  37. *Target Commercial featuring Janelle Monae comes on* We want Grammy reparations for Janelle Monae and we want them NOW!!!!! Now I say!!!!
  38. So I just heard that during Macklemore and Ryan Lewis’ performance, Queen Latifah is doing a mass wedding ceremony of gay and straight couples and Madonna is going to join her. Seriously how long is this show going to be?!?!?!?!?
  39. About Macklemore and Ryan Lewis’performance : One thing that I am going to work on as I approach 40 is not being afraid to give unpopular opinions so here are my two cents: 1 cent- Some people really have aproblem with them doing this but some of those same people think that anything and everything Beyonce’ and Jay Z do is flawless and sheer perfection. Sometimes I don’t know if these people are reading from the King James Bible or the King Bey Bible. It’s confusing. 2 cents- I also find it confusing how some of the same people on my timeline that want to go off about how no one is to judge, we should all love everyone, and how God loves everyone the same are some of the same people that will drag Chris Brown, Justin Bieber, Taylor Swift and Kanye West through the mud on a continuous basis. They can’t even bend over to tie their shoelaces without some of y’all having something terribly judgmental and downright mean to say. My thing is this: judgments are one thing, opinions are another. Not everyone is going to agree with everything.  We’re not supposed to! Because if we were then let’s just all delete everything from our timeline, go back and watch the Grammys again and try our best not to say anything about Ringo Starr’s performance or what exactly is going on with Stevie Wonder’s hair.
  40. The Memorial section always does me in. It just seems like it is getting longer and longer every year. George Duke! Ugh!
  41. I’m too worn out for this finale of Trent Reznor, Lindsay Buckingham, and Queens of the Stone Age.  On a regular day I’d be down but this show has worn me all the way down in three plus hours.
  42. I’ll say this: one thing I have noticed about the Grammys is that they are really good about every other year.  Last year was fantastic. Maybe next year will be better. 
Well that's my wrap up.  The floor is open for respectful commentary. What were your thoughts about last night's show?

3 comments:

Patrice said...

This made my life. I'm pretty sure we are twinsies. I'll comment more later, after I get my mind right. This show wore me out for different reasons. And I plan on staying in my pjs for 3 days straight. #worklife

melkel said...

Hilarious and spot on!

Candace Blackstock said...

only pharrel can prevent forrest fires! LOL - love this and never need to see a show again.